How to Seduce a Bat
by SilverScyther
Summary: Wonder Woman is tired of watching Batman from afar and decided to ask him out. However, she wants to find the perfect way to seduce him first. Since she lacks knowledge of seduction she decides to get advice from other league members. Of course it turns out nobody really knows how to seduce a Bat, not that they won't help her try.
1. Chapter 1

Wonder Woman was doing what was quickly becoming a major pastime, staring at Batman from across the room. "You've got it bad don't you?" A voice shocked her out of her 'admiration', she glanced over to see Shayera smirking at her. Before Wonder Woman could actually reply Hawkwoman spoke again, "Don't bother denying it, literally everyone knows."

Wonder Woman looked at her friend and deflated slightly, "Am I really that obvious?"

All she received in response was a laugh and an incredulous look, that told her that she was indeed 'that obvious'.

Wonder Woman groaned and forced herself not to bury her head in her hands and just yell in frustration. "Fine," Wonder Woman was more than slightly offended, "What would you do to get him to go on a date? I mean I can't ask him out directly he's Batman."

"What about me?" A rumbling voice asked from behind the two women who hadn't noticed him move from his original position while they spoke. "Is it related to why you were looking at me?"

"Diana was just telling me about your cape," Hawkwoman was able to think on her feet which was more than Wonder Woman could say, she froze which was completely out of character.

"Really?" Batman's voice stayed nearly monotone, but Wonder Woman could tell he didn't bother hiding the tone of disbelief that crept in.

"Yeah I was wondering how I would look with one," Wonder Woman scrambled to get things under control.

"I can assure you that a good deal of the population would be less than pleased that you're hiding your body with a cape," Batman said it in a slightly joking tone, one that he rarely brought out.

Wonder Woman knew she could have been coy and asked if he'd like to see her body or something equally flirty, but instead she was flustered and blurted out, "Well we never get to see your great ass while you're wearing your cape."

Unlike Batman's low tone she practically yelled in her panic, which drew the attention of most of the people around them. She was horrified and could see Hawk Woman as well as most of the people in the cafeteria staring at her like she was insane. Batman simply raised an eyebrow, but Wonder Woman was saved when Flash yelled, "Yeah, take it off!" Which led to cheering and hollering from other league members in the room taking the focus off Wonder Woman.

"You're all idiots," Batman growled, quickly silencing the entire room without having to raise his voice, but before anyone could get worried or run he added, "Still I don't feel like hearing about this all day, so take the cape." He proceeded to take the it off and throw it over Flash who grinned and pulled it on in a blur.

After all the talk about Batman's body everyone was staring at him, but Batman didn't even flinch under all the eyes on him as he slowly walked to get food. Wonder Woman cursed under her breath, his butt was amazing and now everybody knew it. She couldn't approach him, first because she already looked like a psychopath and second because Flash was following him around thanking him profusely for the cape.

By the time he had seated himself down and started eating his absurdly healthy diet a group had seated themselves with him despite his grumbling. Now that they were officially alone she turned to Hawkwoman and again asked, "Shayera, what am I supposed to do?"

"He'll be a tough nut to crack, I'd get some advice from people in the league or people he knows, it's worth a shot," Hawkwoman patted her shoulder, "good luck, you'd make a cute couple, scary for sure, but still cute."

"Don't you have any advice?" Wonder Woman was desperate to confront these feelings she had developed for Batman.

"I don't know John and I just fought before we got together, I work more to keep our relationship from falling apart," Hawkwoman shrugged allowing Wonder Woman to leave the cafeteria in deep thought.

* * *

She didn't see Batman until he walked past the room she had been in, walking with Superman, "So I noticed you aren't wearing your cape, any particular reason?" Wonder Woman could hear the smile in Superman's voice.

"Shut up, Clark," Batman growled back, "You're only asking because Flash has been running around with it claiming I gave it to him, you didn't just notice I wasn't wearing my cape." Diana peeked her head out trying to inconspicuously look at the men.

"Alright yes, I did have a quick talk with the Flash or rather he talked to me and ran off before I got a word in," Clark smiled fondly at the other founder's antics.

"I'll be taking that cape back tonight," Batman didn't allow himself to smile, but Wonder Woman knew he had a small soft spot for the Flash as the younger hero had grown up around him.

"He didn't really explain how he got it, care to tell me?" Superman looked at his still scowling friend.

"I was being hassled about taking my cape off and since I was already tired after some work in Gotham I gave it to them to get them to leave me alone. Of course it didn't work because everyone has spent the day staring at my butt," Batman's scowl deepened further and Wonder Woman retreated back into the room thankful that neither man had seen her.

"Well you are in good shape," Clark joked.

"Don't start," Batman's voice seemed to deepen further which was a warning.

"Sorry, sorry," Clark apologized quickly. "Why did anyone bother you, don't they know better by now?"

"I was talking to Diana and she yelled something about wanting to see my, 'sweet ass', I think was the quote. So when Flash heard he started yelling for me to take it off and everyone else joined in," Wonder Woman felt slightly bad that she'd put Batman through trouble, just because she was freaking out. She also resisted the urge to correct his misquote, but it wasn't like what she said was much better.

"I won't even try to imagine how that conversation started, but seriously Diana is-"

"She's watching us, so I'd be careful what you say," he spoke loudly and Wonder Woman flinched at being noticed. However rather than stop Batman swept by the door she was standing behind without hesitation. She did get a chance to stare at him from behind for a moment so that was nice despite the circumstances.

Once she was sure they were finally out of earshot she decided it was safe to leave and start her quest at figuring out how to seduce the Bat.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **I got this idea from my 'Public Service Announcements of Justice' story. It's an explanation on how Wonder Woman thinks of all of her terrible methods of 'seduction'. Anyway the idea came to me somewhat randomly, but I hope you enjoy it. Also I am well aware that people are going to be way out of character, mainly Wonder Woman so don't be surprised or upset.**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chap 2,

Wonder Woman had finally managed to shake off the awkwardness of her encounter with Batman after a few days and aside from the Flash who kept the cape everything returned to normal. She had already discovered trying to think on her feet wasn't going to work if she wanted to truly seduce Batman. No, she needed to go in with a plan of action.

Although Hawkwoman had somewhat led her into the cape incident, she did provide a good piece of advice, that Wonder Woman should seek help. She couldn't go to Superman because he couldn't lie and Batman would immediately realize something was wrong with him. So she decided to see what the Flash would suggest, but she was going to make sure to be vague. He could surprisingly keep a secret, but she didn't really want him to know the whole story of what was going on.

She managed to catch him while he was alone dozing on monitor duty. She tapped his shoulder lightly and he jumped up half yelling, "Batman I was paying attention, I swear."

"It's just me," Wonder Woman tried to calm to vibrating speedster.

"Oh good, so what's up?" He recovered quickly and gave her a smile.

"I was trying to learn more about Man's World and I stumbled across the fact that women get a mate by seducing them. How would someone go about that, just for reference?" Wonder Woman asked and inwardly cringed at how awful that lie was. Who asked about seduction for reference?

"Oh, I'm great at seduction, all you need is a really great pickup line. I have some I can share, if someone tries a few of these they'll totally get the guy or girl they want," Flash looked excited which slightly worried Wonder Woman, but she was relieved that he believed her.

After a short time of Wonder Woman memorizing lines she could use Flash declared the session finished. "So you can guarantee these will work?" She asked.

"Well hypothetically they should, but it's not like you'll be using them, right?" Flash cocked his head and Wonder Woman just nodded yes before flying out. Now she just needed to figure out which one to try, the problem was some of them used language she wasn't familiar with and others were in odd dialects.

Before she could really try mentally sorting through them the object of her desire stepped came around the corner. "Did you just come from the monitor womb? I was about to check on Flash to make sure he wasn't asleep."

Normally Wonder Woman would simply tell Batman that Flash actually was awake and omit the fact that she had only woken him up recently. However instead she tried the first line she could think of, "Do you want water because I'm making you thirsty?" Even before Batman responded she could tell that was awkward and she put inflection on the wrong words.

"Excuse me?" Batman asked raising an eyebrow under his cowl.

"Um, the Flash is awake," Wonder Woman said and darted away. The first attempt was a failure, but she had plenty more of those pick-up lines to try out and they couldn't all possibly fail.

She had another chance the next morning when he was seated in the cafeteria eating more of the food he requested especially for himself, because nobody else wanted to try it. "Good morning Diana," he greeted in his usual gruff tone not making a mention of the previous night which she appreciated.

Rather than actually greet him she blurted out, "Hey b-big boy wanna go?"

"Go where?" he smirked and Wonder Woman realized she made a mistake.

"I forgot to ask," Wonder Woman froze, but before Batman could say anything else she stiffly walked away blushing and feeling like a fool. She didn't particularly know what she was asking, but she didn't feel like it referred to a place.

She could see this wasn't working out how she planned so she decided to give it one more shot and if it failed then she'd destroy the Flash.

For her final attempt she just walked over to Batman and sighed before asking, "You wanna be da Bae?"

"Is that an acronym?" Batman asked looking at Wonder Woman's slumped form.

"I don't know!" She half yelled "I'm done with this, I'm killing Flash."

Before she could get more than a few steps Batman pinned her to a wall and pressed himself against her before whispering into her ear, "God, you're perfect, but you have one flaw."

"What?" Wonder Woman half choked out feeling his body heat through his suit and his breath tickling her skin.

"You've been keeping me waiting," He growled and she could feel the vibrations in his chest.

"How I kept you waiting?" She whispered resting a hand on his chest wanting to feel him rumble.

"Well I've been waiting my whole life for you," he whispered smoothly. Just as Wonder Woman was starting to revel in the feeling of having him close and achieving her goal he pulled away and smirked, "See I can make horrible pick-up lines too. I don't know who helped you, but those were absolutely wretched." He slipped back unto his normal mode and tone, "I have work in Gotham."

He walked away seemingly unaffected by the affair meanwhile her heart was still pounding. She decided it didn't turn out too badly, so the Flash would live for today. It still wasn't enough, she needed more advice because she hadn't seduced him, she'd just amused him. She pushed herself off the wall and felt something against her back, she reached around and found he'd somehow clipped a batarang to her top. She wasn't sure what it meant, but she was keeping it. She left the encounter with weak knees, a pounding heart, a slight feeling of hope, and a batarang. All in all it wasn't bad. Now she just had to figure out who to go to next.

If she had flipped the batarang over she might have noticed the words he had joking scrawled across the surface, 'Maybe I'll be da Bae.'

* * *

 **A/N**

I imagined that the Flash would have used bad pick up lines, but it might have worked for him because people assumed he was joking. Wonder Woman on the other hand had no idea how to deliver them, luckily the bat caught on pretty quickly.

Sorry I kinda teased everyone including Wonder Woman near the end, but really did anyone think she'd get him by two chapters? Still maybe he'll be the bae.

Let me know what you thought. Thanks for reading.

Question: What's the worst pickup line you can come up with?


	3. Chapter 3

After her failure with the pickup lines Diana knew she couldn't go back to Flash for help so she carefully reviewed her options. She decided perhaps getting a female's help would be better so she chose Black Canary. They got along well enough and she had managed to get Green Arrow so she had to know what she was doing. Although Diana wasn't afraid to say that Batman was objectively and subjectively far better than Green Arrow in almost every way.

She found the other woman in the training room wreaking havoc on a training dummy after one final kick Black Canary turned around to face her. "Hello is there something I can do for you, Diana?"

"Yes," Diana decided to be direct rather than try beating around the bush with hypothetical, "I want to know how you managed to get Green Arrow to love you."

"Why are you interested in him?" Black Canary asked playfully. Diana couldn't help making a face at the idea of her and Green Arrow together, luckily Black Canary wasn't offended she simply laughed before adding, "I suppose your type is a bit more dark and brooding."

Diana choked on air, "How-"

"Diana it's basically common knowledge that you like Batman at least among the less oblivious people I know," Black Canary smirked, "Meaning Oliver hasn't realized it. Before Wonder Woman could deny it Black Canary continued, "He's hot I'll give him that, plus that gravely voice I could totally get into it. But I couldn't handle his attitude, so I'll leave him to you."

"Okay yes I do like him, but my question still stands," Wonder Woman wanted to get back to the reason she approached Black Canary in the first place and off the topic of her apparently obvious crush.

"Honestly I didn't have to do much to get Oliver was the one originally interested in me and I didn't even like him. I fell for him because he was sweet, he was always there when I needed him and he constantly tried to show me how much he cared for me, I can't even remember how many flowers he's gotten me," Black Canary reminisced with a slight smile.

"So I'll buy Batman some flowers, perfect," Wonder Woman quickly thanked Black Canary and flew away before Black Canary could stop her.

* * *

Wonder Woman arrived on earth and tried to gather flowers quickly she flew and managed to snag flowers from a cemetery in the middle of a burial, an old woman's garden while she was planting them, and flat out stole some from a store. By the time she arrived back at the Watchtower she was feeling pretty good about her quest. All that remained was finding Batman and giving him the flowers as per Black Canary's instructions.

She was fairly sure he was in the monitor womb so she flew there not paying attention to her speed or surrounding. So if she smashed a few people out of her way she could hardly be blamed because they were unimportant. Batman noticed her presence and turned to face her just as she landed at her destination. She took a step forward and began to raise the bouquet she noticed an important detail, it was completely ruined.

She belatedly that in her excitement she failed to account for the fact that flying around at high speeds and smashing the flowers around would damage them. The roses were simply thorned stems with a few petals barely hanging on. It was too late to just hide them because they were half outstretched towards Batman already so she just froze and waited to see what he'd say.

"Why do you have those?" He asked a hint of a smirk appeared on his lips, but he didn't make any apparent moves to or away from her.

"I found these dead flowers," Wonder Woman said slowly still leaving them hanging in between them.

"And?" Batman encouraged to continue the story she hadn't really made up yet.

"So I picked them up," Wonder Woman added not entirely sure where she was supposed to go with this line of questioning.

"Clearly. What I want to know is why you're carrying them around," The smirk never left Batman's lips and Diana was getting more flustered by the second.

"I was going to return them to whoever dropped them," was the best Wonder Woman could spit out.

"I'd try Black Canary," Batman offered and Wonder Woman felt a sudden pang of fear that he knew everything that was happening he added, "Green Arrow constantly throws them at her, I've found flowers around occasionally."

Wonder Woman hoped that he was simply offering his help and didn't mean anything by it so she decided to bow out gracefully or as gracefully as she could at this point. "Right, I'll try that thank you Bruce."

"No problem, Diana," Batman replied as he turned back to the main computer. Before she had left the room he asked while typing, "Diana, do you like flowers?"

"Oh I don't know I've never gotten any as a gift, I think I'd appreciate the gesture if someone bought me some," she answered honestly still desperate to escape with her pride intact.

"Maybe I'll buy you some next time I'm in Gotham," he said calmly as if it wasn't an important matter like Wonder Woman had thought it was. The off handed offer threw her off so much that she tripped over nothing and landed hard on the ground. Rather than let him say anything she flew out of the room blushing for two major reasons the first being her embarrassing fall and the second was that Batman considered buying her flowers. She decided it wasn't a complete failure, but she wasn't planning on buying any more flowers.

* * *

 **A/N**

 **Another chapter down, I hope you enjoy this one.**

 **Please let me know what you thought and thank you for reading.**


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